Wednesday, January 17, 2007

hope and hesitation

part of me wants to jump and the other part says it's not right
one part says to let it go, the other just wants to fight
so i can't see the end and neither can you
i would still wait for love however long it took to bloom
but i can't ask of you the same, i couldn't ask that of you

there is too much within the wires
and love and promises aren't enough this time
it has to be right for me to give in cause then it's only safe
so our hearts need to stay hidden where they are
and the plans that we make have to be in singular


Wednesday, January 03, 2007


sit around listen to inspiration
with this machine
that's obsessed with my time
waiting for something that i say
one brilliancy i can't wait
one song now, that's all i want to write

listening for right running keep running
finding all that's wrong
still hungry for what's not falling away
singing the song in mind
dancing the days away

something is so wrong here
nothing is silent
except you.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007


so long coming
the words i only say to you
remember all the melodies
you have only heard
sing them back to me
when i have nothing left
whisper back the promises
that only you can make
i will be free, i will be free.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

love songs

i bring my pen and book
to write what you say today.
the words i hear too sweet to know,
but You tell me anyways:

"There is a world more beautiful than here
a sea too blue for you to see,
but one day I will take you from this place,
and I'll take you walking out on the sea."

Lord, I am too dirty to go there.
" My Son has crimsonly washed you clean
And made a robe your favorite color
for that day you come home to me."

"That day you cannot know but I know you will be faithful
For my love found you first and I knew what I was getting into."

Friday, December 22, 2006


Paradise in Winter
is like my heart on fire
burning to share
a warmth that melts ice

warm love and all alone
and still my world cold
yet i am satisfied still
and if so still why do I
still dream

mostly just the idea- Love
that's what i'm in love with
what's trust? what is time?
i just don't want to lose this time

closeness that won't go away
in a friend that loves God more than me
connexion that feels you come and leave a room
a lover whose jealous fury would consume

a love that just does not die
a gentleness that rocks me when i cry
patience that understands me through and through
and a merciful forgiveness reborn with the dew.

Saturday, December 16, 2006


waiting in moonlit nights at the beaches
feel my addiction to the crashing waves
i hope our love is the adventure of our dreams
no sense at all, see how you've affected me?

come and claim my heart for yours
share this ocean and songs of hope
lead me to the One to whom
we'll give thanks and pray

the One who made the oceans calms the rain
we'll be only grateful as we pray
this life he's given so undeserved
and the showers of goodness so unreserved

life so sure and bright and fair
planned since something called time
and i was completely unaware.

already done

things of yesterday
i'm glad they're gone
pain i've suffered
harm i've caused

will i never forget
or always dream so vividly
of every detail i've lived here
why and what for and
when does this end
will heaven be the only solace

tomorrow holds the only hope
of the mercy and absence of sorrow
you won for me yesterday

deeper that i dream
the reason for all this
the days of some sort of purpose
yet in my reason so pointless

lives and loves that we could've lead
we could've not shared this distance
we don't have to walk the way that i thought
but we could've loved at least
and we just let sin get in the way

what would i have done to make
sure we didn't have these wishes
of doing something better
doing something right

what didn't i do to forgo distress
to avoid the mess of what we did
and didn't do and now that push pull
towards what we should have done.


baked brown, all undone
sun shines brightly on my fun
matching couples sea shell searching
tell of ways they won

what shall i do when they ask me why
i bathe in the wintry sun
i'll blush and smile and just
ask them to join in my fun

the big blue is all i need
because you're here with me
i'm glad you made the wind
that sings of what you did

sugar coated in sand so sweet
all the white sand clings to me
the sun kisses my skin so softly
the ocean sings her own melody

what lesson have i to learn here
what treasure have i found
a beauty deep like the ocean
amidst the horror of where sin abounds

the beautiful Son

what future goes from here
i've known this place my whole life
grown up now
lived alot of mistakes and strife

but you've always helped me sort it out
you've always helped me sort it out
God, you see dreams i could never see
made plans i'll only find along the way

help me now admit this fear
do not leave me all alone
because i'm scared of all the things
i've never done and all those things
i did. i wonder if they keep me
from the person i could have been

i know you're love and justice
i know you're peace and freedom

cause if this was the plan
you knew i'd mess up at every place
you use it to bring us to new mercies
everyday, to bring us new memories
of your grace

can i ever just be worthy, can i ever
be so beautiful that i'm the one you love?
never, except by your beautiful Son
never, only by your beautiful Son

the Ifs

if love were not so necessary, i doubt i would like to give in to it at all. i would hate it in fact, if it were not so encompassing of who i am.. for i dearly love to love. and forgive. and hope against hope that i will have that certain kind of love where my Love is my best friend and he knows me as such a vulnerable creature he must protect, where his name for me is sweetly spoken, where i long to hear him and submit to his every wish because his banner over me is love, where we laugh and sing and poke fun at each's every angle since honest deep love is so sure, even in faults and flaws. I hope for a love where we grow in life and mind and we age gloriously whether happy or hard, and we grow forever together in heart and spirit and soul, where it comes to be impossible there was ever anyone so well suited. I think it is a sweet completion not in each other alone, but in a love for our Savior and in a longing for heaven-- where we are so completely entranced by where we are going, more still who we are going to, hoping for a completion too sinless and pure to ever be found in this world. i want a partner in love with the Maker of heaven and earth, one captivated by his love, who longs for that City of God so unblemished by pride and selfishness. That city where the face of the Son glows brightly with Love, and lights up the whole city, because his bride is finally his.


i feel your disappointment
the glow from your eyes is gone
i need you to speak up
give me truth when i'm wrong

selfishness disintegrates all love
hate flourishes in between
all we fight to gain, hide to keep
and you say you still love us

no peace here, no answers
just questions that vex our souls
we see and then forget, just forget
all the works you've done.


there's something in the air
about the grass of ocean beaches
the water glassy welcomes me back
sea gulls ask me why i ever left

i'm so in love
my heart so free to baske in this sun
seaside dreams finally alive
i come undone

the sky so blue today
my heart bright like the sun
Florida is my home again
now forever my heart its won

endless green, wintry weather fair
keeping this all to myself i cannot bear
Oh, Love come to me these days of youth
to share with me dreams & prophecies untold

i hope for you with all my heart
whoever you are, i know where you aren't
come and never leave me alone

come Lord, and steal away my heart
shadow over my soul
show me depths of love i have never known


sunshine in my eyes
dirt roads so soft and worn
shadows of who i am
and i will shine brighter than this sun

in the glory of the King changing me
i want to be like him, even just his dream

endless bluegreen ocean
white sugar beaches
this my haven, my home

i love you more than this, Jesus,
i love you more that this


paved roads were just dirt when i was young
now bay clubs, yaht clubs, boats all around
not bad things, yet not what this used to be
you're building things upon my dreams,
you're changing everything.

all the while you've been working in the seasons i haven't seen
and i see all this newness amidst what used to be
you're always working change while you're unchangeable
and i am so weak, influenced and vulnerable

thomas Drive, the main gate how long, how many
more days will we wait to be what we'll become
the bay, seaside and watercolor just need your word
i just need your bread, i've got broken jars,
you have water uncontainable

hope of love and life all rest in you Jesus
in all change within and without slumber
awaken my soul to your sunrise and
call me to come, i will walk on water.

in all this change you'll change me
and in all this unrest you're my rest
you're my only Love, Jesus, you're my only Love
you're the only Love, sweet Jesus, you're the only Love.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

building houses

there are so many people all about something. Men driven by something are all about the emergent church. Men all about something go to school , meet goals, work hard, have an aim..
they all have a dream. Men and women who cure diseases are driven by something so hard all they can see is healing. People all about something invent ways of getting where they want to be.
so the thing i have been wondering lately is, " what am i all about? what is it that drives me? where am i going? what is the thing that i am gravitationg toward? I have big dreams; i don't think any of them are small on the scale. would it be okay if i didn't see those dreams come to life? probably, because dreams are not the mission or purpose in life. Dreams are the expressions of how a person desires to accomplish their purpose and mission in life. The purpose of all mankind is to love and glorify God and then to love people. our dreams should be the things that do this most thoroughly. what are my dreams? there are so many, where do i start? What have i always wanted to do? i want to learn languages and american sign language, be an interpreter, teach, work hard, have a husband and be his wife in every sense of the word; help him in all things. Be a mother, adopt children, write books, sing on a cd, make a huge difference somehow, someway.

i used to have this dream where i was building this house and i was working so hard at it and i was doing the best that i could. then i got tired and looked up and saw others around me building their houses as if they had a different plan than i had. Not a better plan, just a different plan. it kept having this dream night after night and i began to think to myself about what i was doing wrong. Have you ever gotten that feeling that tells you that no matter what you are doing and no matter how hard you are trying to do it well, you are still somehow just not doing it right?
i was given Psalm 127 that reads, unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. now i keep having this dream that i am given so much that i don't deserve. And i can't even object to any of it. i have no choice or say in the matters. i am just set in the midst of so many wonderful things and am only expected to enjoy it an use it to bless others. And in my dream, that blessing is a beautiful home that i did not build with things in it that i did not buy, and love within it that i did not earn. isn't all of life like this? i mean, in spite of heartache and loneliness and worry and fear and doubt and lack of... whatever we lack, God had given us one purpose. To love and fear Him. this alone is a blessing to amazing for words. God has chosen a people so unlikely to be his bride and we, all we have to do is love him and love the people he has made. And we get to dream of ways to glorify God. I keep thinking of where it says in 2nd Peter that there will be a city where we have no sin to deal with. OH Blessedness! How perfect that day will be! I want that city to be mine! i don't want to sin anymore. i want to live in that place where righteousness dwells. I want to live each day sinless and unbound by this madness that so easily entangles and suffocates. I want to live this now and show people what we hope for. i want to live a love that gives people hope..