Thursday, December 07, 2006

building houses

there are so many people all about something. Men driven by something are all about the emergent church. Men all about something go to school , meet goals, work hard, have an aim..
they all have a dream. Men and women who cure diseases are driven by something so hard all they can see is healing. People all about something invent ways of getting where they want to be.
so the thing i have been wondering lately is, " what am i all about? what is it that drives me? where am i going? what is the thing that i am gravitationg toward? I have big dreams; i don't think any of them are small on the scale. would it be okay if i didn't see those dreams come to life? probably, because dreams are not the mission or purpose in life. Dreams are the expressions of how a person desires to accomplish their purpose and mission in life. The purpose of all mankind is to love and glorify God and then to love people. our dreams should be the things that do this most thoroughly. what are my dreams? there are so many, where do i start? What have i always wanted to do? i want to learn languages and american sign language, be an interpreter, teach, work hard, have a husband and be his wife in every sense of the word; help him in all things. Be a mother, adopt children, write books, sing on a cd, make a huge difference somehow, someway.

i used to have this dream where i was building this house and i was working so hard at it and i was doing the best that i could. then i got tired and looked up and saw others around me building their houses as if they had a different plan than i had. Not a better plan, just a different plan. it kept having this dream night after night and i began to think to myself about what i was doing wrong. Have you ever gotten that feeling that tells you that no matter what you are doing and no matter how hard you are trying to do it well, you are still somehow just not doing it right?
i was given Psalm 127 that reads, unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. now i keep having this dream that i am given so much that i don't deserve. And i can't even object to any of it. i have no choice or say in the matters. i am just set in the midst of so many wonderful things and am only expected to enjoy it an use it to bless others. And in my dream, that blessing is a beautiful home that i did not build with things in it that i did not buy, and love within it that i did not earn. isn't all of life like this? i mean, in spite of heartache and loneliness and worry and fear and doubt and lack of... whatever we lack, God had given us one purpose. To love and fear Him. this alone is a blessing to amazing for words. God has chosen a people so unlikely to be his bride and we, all we have to do is love him and love the people he has made. And we get to dream of ways to glorify God. I keep thinking of where it says in 2nd Peter that there will be a city where we have no sin to deal with. OH Blessedness! How perfect that day will be! I want that city to be mine! i don't want to sin anymore. i want to live in that place where righteousness dwells. I want to live each day sinless and unbound by this madness that so easily entangles and suffocates. I want to live this now and show people what we hope for. i want to live a love that gives people hope..


Blogger marcus said...

I am praying for you cassie. i hope the lord leads you where he would have you to go.

5:46 PM  

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