how far will redemption go, how deep will you reach to lift me up
please reach down far enough to feel my little heart cold
to blaze upon me the mysteries that you know
dear love, so much between the ins and outs,
so much between the sorrows and fasts,
i'm still waiting to be found by you, still waiting for your hand.
oh sing, sweet firefly sing with the voice that shines through rain
bring my song to the love that will find me once again
and lead him back to me to stay forever, kind firefly of rain,
bring my firefly to me so we can dance as one and reign.
i let a person read this when i first wrote it and he was like, are you saved? well, i am very much saved. so let me clear that up right now. i feel that i need to give you a background intro on this like i wish some artists would do when they write some great song. so you could understand what they meant.
it is very much about love. something i have been feeling puzzled and strange about. this is just how i explained myself. the first thing i guess i want to say is i don't know exactly who its to or what its about. i just know that for me, i have been sort of tallying against myself in matters of love and relationships. In my mind, relationships are supposed to last. friendships, marriage, bonds, they all assume a constancy, commitment to stay, a yes to forgiveness and a willing smile when asked to keep going. And i think i've failed when this does not happen. and i have felt it when ties are cut and hurt was involved. the questions sort of leave me grasping for something or someone to make it right. where there will be love that does not end on uncertain terms or change. at the end of the day, i sometimes feel like i'm asking to be redeemed from this. But how far does redemption go? how deep will someone reach to lift me up from what i feel is a very tight realm of failing and being failed? isn't that a cold and lonely thought? makes you feel small. But i know that the Love of God is much hotter and not only does God forgive where i think i've failed or where i've failed and not even realized it until later, the love and word of God comes to blaze upon me the mysteries of the Love of God. He warms my heart with the hope that though i do not understand why things happen like they do sometimes, those are the mysteries that he knows. And maybe when the right person finds the right other person, they'll understand the mysteries of why and blaze upon each other the mystery of forgiveness and love.
there have been times when i see love as a certain messenger of sorts and then there are times when i think of love as My Love. Where he's a person and he is coming and all i need to do is wait for him. so i write to communicate this waiting. So much happens between the ins and outs of everyones days. you, know? so much does change or can change in one single space of time. Things happen that shape you into who you become, how you think, what you allow to change your mind... change sometimes takes only one word or one glance and then things are done. and that doneness can bring either times of great joy or times of distance and sorrow. and then you let cleansing take over. don't you learn so much between the sorrows and the fasts, where you can't eat but your heat is open, you cry at times, but you know all is good. and when the sun comes out again, do you realize that Love is still on its way, that it is riding to meet you, and you, your'e still just waiting to be found, waiting just to hold their hand?
I wrote a poem to a boy once and he later threw it away, breaking my heart even more, but it went kind of like
my rain is my love, i bring sunshine to soothe the pain
your life is from above, i wash you with the rain..
I try to forget it because it was wasted and not given to someone worthy and now, well who would want a poem written for someone else. sorry, those days were the first sets of tallies. but anyways, i wrote about the rain being a very loving thing, because although it is tiresome at times, and not always pretty, it can be quite engaging and even more exciting than a sunny day.
Rain is a way of cleansing. it can wash away dirt, feed the green parts of earth, refresh us with the cooler temperature, soothe and calm us down. So love can rain upon us in pleasant or unpleasant ways and in what i wrote, i meant it to be the unpleasant kind. well, maybe not unpleasant, but definately not great. and love is either the love the person holds or the idea of love that holds me. i like the word firefly and they are magical at night, so i used the word. and that, ladies and g-men, is an explanation of an otherwise confusing piece of writing. or wait.. are you more confused now than before?...